is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
