PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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