I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
