i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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