are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
