very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
