Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Say something about gay babies.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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