Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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