there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
