Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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