I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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