i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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