the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We are all done wearing pants today
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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