i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
