i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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