ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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