i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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