i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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