Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
