Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
