My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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