i just had sex bonerless
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
