i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
