I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
