If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
