then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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