AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
