I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
