Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
