ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
