Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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