I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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