The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
