Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
