I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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