Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
