i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i now understand why vodka
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
