I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
