just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
