After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
