don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
