This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
