lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize