Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We named our party play list daddy issues
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm passing your future prison.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
