And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
