im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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