He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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