no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
