On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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