What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wear drunk well.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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