I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
