Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
