one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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