GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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