Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
