He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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