Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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