I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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