Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
