I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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