please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
