I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
