she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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