and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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