I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We need to get me chipped asap
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
