i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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