I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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