don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
