I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
