your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
