I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
