I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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