Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
