I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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